Let’s catch up. It’s 500 years in the future, Earth has become overcrowded and its natural resources exhausted. The only solution is to find new galaxies to populate. Our two superpowers; The United States of America and China have merged; forming The Alliance: the autocrats of the known universe. Unwilling to be controlled, a small rebellion is formed, leading to a Galactic Civil War. The rebellion is quickly crushed. When not running from self-mutilating cannibals named Reavers, Rebel leader Malcolm [...]

Midway through Jarhead, a newly initiated group of Marines question the legitimacy of the (first) Gulf War they are (almost) fighting, and Troy (Peter Sarsgaard) says: “Fuck politics, we’re here now, that’s all that matters”. The line sums up the film rather accurately; being in the position to ask some awfully topical questions, but instead opting to bury its head in the Iraqi sand. Jarhead, then, is a film about the frustration faced by soldiers in the Information Age, all [...]

In my brief career as a writer for The Cheese, I have yet to bestow the full five stars on any film or album I’ve reviewed. Surely I’m not going to give up my cherry for a sequel its director claimed would never happen to a decade-old incredibly low-budget black’n’white b-movie? As unlikely as it sounds, just as the original was a hard sell (two guys work dead-end jobs. Talk shit. Things go wrong. In black’n’white), once you see the [...]

I have no idea how to start this review. Oh, look, I did it. Thank god. It’s hard to know what to say about the mesmeric, unique visual experience that is El Laberinto del Fauno. Trying to describe what makes the film so fascinating is like trying to tell someone about a particularly fantastic dream; you can recount the events but making them sound as fascinating as they were to you is impossible. Luckily, it’s easy to know how to [...]

Here’s a curious thing on many levels. It’s a documentary about a new form of dance, shot mostly in South Central Los Angeles (you may have heard it referred to by Ice T as “the hood”) featuring black youths who paint their faces like clowns. There’s nary a gun to be seen, and despite the setting almost everything about the film is hugely uplifting and positive. It’s the only film I’ve ever seen to commence with the disclaimer “no footage [...]