or is it the millions of viewers, who, even when they’re gifted super-amazing tele-visual delights – decide not to watch, or to watch something else, or to go out and be sociable or something. DAMN THEM.

I’m annoyed because I recently discovered something wonderful; a flower in the barren wasteland of comedy lameness and canned laughter. That something is Party Down, probably the most immediately lovable and genuinely funny shows I’ve seen in aaaages… so good, oh course, it needed to be cancelled immediately after I discovered it.

So, for the uninitiated, Party Down was a rather ace comedy show from John Enbom, Dan Etheridge, Paul Rudd (you might know them) in a similar vein to The Office or Curb Your Enthusiasm, yet with likable characters and (slightly) less painful situational funnies. It stars Adam Scott, Ken Marino, Jane Lynch and the rather palatable Lizzy Caplan about a bunch of struggling actor / writer / comedian types who take on catering jobs to pay their way while they dream of stardom, which may or may not come.

So, I salute you, Party Down, and who knows? Maybe if it gets a cult following they’ll commission a movie or something? It worked out well for Firefly after their show was cancelled, they hit the big screen with the marvellous Serenity which deservedly made £800 billion and quickly got the show commissioned for another 17 excellent series and… this never happened. DAMN THEM.

These days there are more television channels than there are numbers, and with the advent of the digital record-y box thing, you may never, ever let yourself miss all those old reruns of El Dorado, Big Brother 3 and When Cars Go Bad.

But, there is hope, and a strong and powerful hope be it. For every 32nd home improvement programme, there is one shiny nugget of honest-to-goodness televisual gold that may well make up for it. Programming where the writers, producers, creators, designers and the crème de le crème of acting talent thought… enough! It’s time for something exquisite!

And lo, these brave souls dared to opt for quality over cheap celebrity fly-on-the-wall nonsense and paved the way for even more challenging and provocative ventures, eventually producing some of the greatest pieces of popular culture we have – sagely making use of the depth of narrative and characterisation that all the best television shows have and cinema could only dream of…

So, without further ado, here are my top 5 entries for the prestigious accolade of ‘Greatest TV Shows Ever!’.

The Top 5 Greatest TV Shows ever!

1. The Sopranos

   

   Pretty much the daddy of all contemporary television shows. While The Sopranos: ‘mobster seeks therapy’ plot seemed a little suspect (Analyze This was released the same year) Tony and co. quickly established themselves as so, so much more…

   In turns deeply philosophical and brutally violent, The Sopranos is a multifaceted, meaningful and extraordinarily elegant piece of popular culture. With an unorthodox approach to casting (several members of the cast had genuine mob ties) series creator David Chase brought us some of the most fascinating, engaging and uncompromising writing and direction in screen history. Luckily for him, the performance of his cast (through 86 hours approx. and particularly in leads James Gandolfini and Eddie Falco) is just about faultless. The Sopranos is the sparkling jewel in the crown of the mighty HBO and as perfect as anything popular culture has to offer.

   Best bit: Season 6: After the constant power-struggles with his nephew Christopher, Tony takes a principally unexplained trip to Vegas, takes peyote, and screams a cathartic and dreamlike: “I get it!” at the desert sunset.

2. The Wire

   

   Series creator David Simon is a former police reporter for The Baltimore Sun, and co-writer Ed Burns is a former Baltimore homicide detective, so when I say that The Wire compromises none on the bleak reality of urban life, I ain’t kidding...

   Through the guise of a police drama, The Wire is actually a powerful communiqué on a modern city being torn apart by drugs, gang violence and police and political corruption. Each of the 5 inconceivably well executed seasons focuses on a new sector of urban life: the drug trade, the port, the city bureaucracy, the school system, and the press – in that order). The most prominent treasure in a show this powerful is its strictly no-niceties approach. Even the most long-established and loved characters can be swiftly locked-away or taken out in a random shooting. The city itself quickly becomes known as ‘Bodymore, Murdaland’ (that’s Baltimore, Maryland to you). Another in a long line of HBO greats, and again, as close to perfect as popular culture gets.

   Best bit: Season 2: After speaking to the FBI in return to save his wayward son, corrupt but likable port union leader Frank Sobotka goes to talk to ‘The Greek’. His body is fished from the harbour the next day.

3. LOST

   

   Mystical, trippy, and undeniably addictive. Current golden boys JJ Abrahams and Damon Lindelof scored one of the biggest hits in television history with this risky and unique project (Head of ABC Lloyd Braun was fired after green-lighting such an expensive programme)…

   LOST has thrilled as many as it has confounded and has given license to more fanatical internet theorists than any other modern show (go and check out the impressive Time-Loop theory). Importantly, it dares to confront its prime-time audience; pairing an ex-Iraqi soldier with a blonde ‘Miss America’ – type, making the ‘monster’ of the island largely indiscernible for the first 3 seasons… but the quality of its production and writing is second only to the upper-echelons of the HBO canon, and yes, it’s still amazing. Approaching season 5 now (of 6), the mysteries of the Island are still becoming larger and more complex, hinting that this enthralling saga may well be one of the most intricate and ambitious stories ever attempted, and it’s unlikely we’ll see a happy ending.

   Best bit: Season 1: After the plane crash, our plucky hero Jack goes into overdrive trying to keep everyone safe. Not sleeping for days, he may (or may not) be hallucinating and starts to see the apparitions of his supposedly dead father standing in the ocean in his trademark suit, staring at him. It’s the boldness of LOST’s writers that such peculiar and potentially significant moments can remain unanswered until years later.

4. The X-Files

   

   Chris Carter’s show was a sprawling, challenging, and incredibly inventive piece of work, and it seems people forget just how good it really was…

   Creatively, there are few shows that managed to sustain so well. Though most episodes tended to fall into either the main alien conspiracy storyline or the ‘monster of the week’ episodes, there were the occasional post-modern ‘tongue-in-cheek’ episodes that poked fun at itself more expertly than even the show’s harshest critic could – and it’s difficult to think of any other drama that could do this and only make its fanbase love it more. The X-Files made an impressive and lasting dent on modern culture, creating such as icons the cigarette-smoking man (or ‘cancer man’ if you preferred it un-PC), Skinner, Tooms, Pusher, Duane Barry, Krycek, The Lone Gunmen… but it was the subtle chemistry between agents Mulder and Scully that secured the show’s lasting appeal. Though it ran too long, even in its final seasons displayed signs of the quality of the first five, not least with introduction of the excellent John Doggett (Robert Patrick).

   Best bit: Series 3: Mulder goes in search of his missing sister and reaches a deserted submarine. His initial, toughened inquiries begin to fail as he is badly beaten, his voice cracks and our hero pleads: “Just tell me where my sister is!”

5. The Simpsons

   

   It’s testament to the strength of The Simpsons that it is arguably the most quoted series of all time. From about series 3 to series 10, The Simpson was untouchable. Employing at once some of the funniest and most talented writers in the free-world…

   What made The Simpsons so well regarded by anyone who’s seen it, is its ageless appeal. There are few shows that can provide prime-time family-friendly morality tales and still have the smarts and wit to crack even the most cynical among us up. People may have been rubbed the wrong way by its shameless plugging of merchandise in its heyday (blame the owners, not the creators) but The Simpsons has provided more wonderful moments than the majority of other comedy programmes combined.

   Best bit: Season 5: It’s unfair to pick ONE best bit in a show littered with them. Yet the Cape Feare episode stays in the mind. Sideshow Bob is looking for payback on Bart after he and Lisa put him (rightfully) behind bars. The fiendishly brilliant mind of Bob may have sweet-talked his way out of prison (“No-one who speaks German could be an evil man…”), but his murderous design is foiled by a set of discarded rakes. All together now: “Uuurghghghhmmm….”, “Uuurghghghhmmm….”,“Uuurghghghhmmm….”.

…So,

Is the list right? wrong? really wrong? almost right? There are plenty of top TV shows left off, but can you name them? And let us know why they deserve a place in the top 5?

It was difficult to leave off Deadwood and Carnivale… but maybe you have other shows that you really think we should all be worshipping? Have your say below…

24 was not 24 episodes long, they decided that Bauer just didn’t have such a shitty day after all and made another few series of it.  Prison Break should really have ended when they broke out of prison, but they also decided that it needed to be longer.   The Lost series should end now, it’s BORING!!

I have had a few conversations recently about these types of TV shows, and I kinda do have the attention span of a goldfish, but they are just too long.  The perfect series for me was the BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice.  6 episodes long, well acted and everyone is happy at the end.  Why does everything have to be blown to pieces, or shot, or found out, or mistaken for a Polar Bear?  (I don’t watch Lost; all I know is there was talk of a Polar Bear in it).

I recently decided to watch 24, seeing as everyone raved about it.  I got to the bit where Terry developed amnesia, Kim was in prison being a bratty bitch and Jack was pretty much having sex with his own ego when I decided that I couldn’t take anymore.  I must confess that in the beginning I loved it…then it just became a bit too silly.

firstly for being an irrefutably superior drama, and secondly, because the series asks the audience to fill in the mysterious blanks, something that has enraged almost as many viewers as it enthralled. Testament to the show’s strength are the theories that surround it: Are the characters already dead? Are they part of an elaborate experiment? And am I guaranteed to win the lottery with those numbers? But the main question is: will the show eventually collapse under the mystery that drives it?

Alarming, also, is the rapid ascent / descent of mystery-driven television shows, such as Twin Peaks – David Lynch’s murder mystery with supernatural elements; first season a worldwide success, the second season ‘too strange’, everyone loses interest. Also, The X-Files, the conspiracy / supernatural storyline attracts millions of viewers, the show runs too long, people get confused, lose interest, the main characters sneak off after the seventh series… For fans of LOST, it leaves an ominous feeling of ‘uh-oh’.

For now, though, we can marvel at one of the most exciting, mysterious, forbidding, and genuinely addictive debut seasons in the history of television. Undoubtedly, the production values; the score, cinematography and scope of the series are unrivalled, and refreshingly, the budget is comparable only to the barrage of invigorating ideas it allows. The show also manages to be partially topical, pushing many boundaries and passing quite a few envelopes for mainstream entertainment: having fourteen main characters, relying on flashbacks as narrative development, leaving events / unanswered through long periods of time, touching on fantastic elements without ever losing a sense of realism, creating a heroic character as an ex-Iraqi solider…

It’s alarming how often mystery-driven shows go the way of the pear, but for now we can enjoy one of the freshest, most addictive television shows in recent memory.

Many of the actors involved, particularly Jack (Matthew Fox), Kate (Evangeline Lilly) and Sawyer (Josh Holloway) have gone from fresh-faced nobodies to being the emotional anchors of show, requiring some intensive acting mettle. Credit must be given to the creators for believing in their cast, all of which hit their acting plateau correctly. Matthew Fox is a particular success as the heroic doctor-come- leader, as Co-Creator J.J. Abrams was originally keen to cast Michael Keaton to play the part, and have Jack killed off in the pilot episode.

The show may have its imperfections, the dependency of the character flashbacks could well prove exhausted in future episodes. But encouragingly, elements and subtle character interactions are explained in later episodes, suggesting the creators are not running the show on blind luck, and do have ‘the plan’ already developed. The Complete Season One release, rather than the annoyingly truncated Parts One & Two will allow for closer inspection, and perhaps some more indication to where the show is headed.

Those worried about the show’s future, and whether we’ll finally be given ‘the answers’, may be watching for the wrong reasons, the best the audience can do is be enchanted by the quality and superb mystery that surrounds the show’s first season, which looks unlikely to be bettered. Nevertheless, you’ll still be desperate for a taste of Season Two. What exactly did Kate do? Roll on Spring.

Considering the popularity, or at least, spectacle of Hollywood’s renaissance with the swords and skirts epics: Gladiator, Troy, Alexander, et al, it was only a matter of time before Gladiator: The Series raised its hackneyed head; yet we may have feared not; brothers, for Rome, the amalgamated works of drama-titans HBO and the BBC, is an study of ancient civilisations not through it’s scale, but through the eyes of its people; chiefly two soldiers of the 13th Legion: Lucius Vorenus (Kevin McKidd) – the staunch traditionalist, and Titus Pullo (Ray Stevenson) – warrior, happy-go-lucky thug and impudent womaniser.

Season 1 starts with Gaius Julius Caesar’s (Ciarán Hinds) altercation and eventual triumph over armies of Gaul – his triumphs on the battlefield have taken Caesar from nobleman to chief conqueror, amassed with riches, slaves and popularity within the Roman army. Caesar’s once trusted colleague and fellow chieftain Gnaeus Pompeius Magnus (Kenneth Cranham) has stayed in Rome during Caesar’s absence, and the rift between the two lends the series’ focal point and changes the lives and fates of everyone in the heartland. As you can guess, it all ends in tears. Or rather, knife wounds.

Rome is awash with Aristocratic flappings, debauchery and strewn blood and despite its unavoidable corner cutting, it is a wondrous achievement in historical and dramatic craftsmanship

Considering the wealth of history dealt with within the series (around 6 or 7 years of politics and war) and taking into account a less exuberant budget than the movie adaptations (kudos should be given for filming in Rome and also rebuilding it’s 52BC décor and architecture convincingly with scaffold and polystyrene) – vital scenes, particularly the great war between Pompeius and Caesar is brushed over with a simple: ‘Tell Rome I have won’. Moreover, for the sake of narrative, Verenus and Pullo’s omnipresence, from Robinson Crusoe-styled marooning, to Gladitorial combat, to ‘doing’ Cleopatra, all gives a slight whiff of character-opportunism, yet despite the rest of the brilliantly written and acted characters – from future emperor Octavian and Octavia’s altercations with their amoral and calculating mother, to Servilla’s scorn over her abandonment by Caesar – it is our Legionary heroes and their touching friendship that the audience are drawn to; along with Pullo’s one-sided and sweet-natured love for a slave girl, and Lucius’s prickly attempts at re-establishing a bond with his family.

Rome is awash with Aristocratic flappings, debauchery and strewn blood and despite its unavoidable corner cutting, it is a wondrous achievement in historical re-enactment and dramatic craftsmanship, acted – despite the occasional clunky dialogue – admirably by all concerned. Considering the premature death’s of HBO’s other efforts; – the magnificent Carnivàle was cancelled after its second season, the excellent Deadwood struggles to find a British audience and The Mighty Sopranos will spit its final obscenity – for the series continuation, we should all sacrifice a baby lamb in the name of Bacchus and Fortuna. When in Rome… as they say.

and have recently appeared side by side on DVD stands. As MacFarlane’s main audience is undoubtedly the young, student-y type, they may have to save their money for either a theory book (a night out) or living expenses (the latest Fall Out Boy album). As such, it’s feasible that many will have to decide which one of the two gladdening series to buy…

This is why The Cheese has decided to pitch the two head-to-head, mano-a-mano, tête-à-tête, in a no-holds-barred death match extravaganza. In the blue corner we have Season 4 of the once cancelled yet deeply beloved Family Guy, and in the red corner, we have Seth McFarlen’s new baby, the brutish underdog that is American Dad. Let the battle commence…

Round 1: Fighter’s Milieu

As any fight-promoter will tell you, it’s important to give the audience an insight into the challengers’ backgrounds; in the case of Family Guy vs. American Dad it’s the surrealist Quahog vs. the idyllic (almost) Langley Falls. Family Guy (hereafter FG)’s Griffin family exist in a world slightly more unhinged and than American Dad (hereafter AD)’s Smith family. For example, FG patriarch Peter Griffin’s obesity and obsession with little known (especially to British audiences) esoteric television programmes provides a odd / cultist humour crux for their series, whereas AD patriarch Stan Smith is a testosterone-fuelled devout republican employed in the CIA. This allows for the majority of AD humour to sprout from topical and political circumstances. Whilst FG refuses to limit itself to comprehensible narrative or comedy, AD’s more uptight doctrine seems to narrow its slippery humour canals.
Round 1 winner by surrealism: Family Guy

Round 2: Originality

One of Family Guy’s initial drawbacks was its general closeness to that of other FOX TV champs, The Simpsons. Homer Simpson and co. had already secured their crown as ‘Kings of Diverse Mainstream Animated Comedy’ a decade before Family Guy made its first airing. Simpson similarities also weighed heavy on the Griffin family. Homer Simpson is the loveable, yet oafish, overweight, underachieving father figure, as is Peter Griffin. Marge Simpson is the ever-dutiful yet disapproving matriarch; trying to instil normality to her family’s lives, as is Lois (albeit with a penchant for leather and kleptomania). The Simpson’s nuclear family was only changed slightly with FG’s addition of the repressed daughter-figure Meg (the running joke in FG is the increasing cruelness afflicted onto Meg with each episode) and also a talking dog, Brian, and a slightly camp, deeply megalomaniacal baby in Stewie. Despite the initial similarities, FG soon found its own identity in pushing the boundaries further with its 15 certification and its now legendary ‘flashbacks’. American Dad, on the other hand, is a more original creation; gone is the underachieving and rebellious Homer-figure, replaced with the narrow-minded over-achiever, Stan, a man who thinks nothing of frequently (yet lovingly) threatening his family with guns, knives, and physical pain… One of Seth MacFarlane and co.’s greatest achievements was choreographing some of the most hilariously absurd fight sequences in animation history in Family Guy; American Dad takes this and runs with it.
Round 2 winner by a pistol-whipping: American Dad

Round 3: Character Lovability

One the reasons why MacFarlane chose the family set-up for his animation series was the established audience appreciation for humour in everyday lives. Something that was developed long before Matt Groening doodled The Simpsons. Peter Griffin’s oscillation between deranged, hurtful idiot to childlike sweety-pie makes him a hard character to dislike; while Stan Smith’s rigid and absurdly right-wing characterisation gives him humour, but not empathy. As with the Griffin children, we are obliged to care about them because of the hell their uncouth father puts them through, whereas AD’s children (Steve and Hayley Smith) are independent enough to fend for themselves, despite Stan’s desire to dominate them. FG’s much-quoted Stewie Griffin started out as a super-smart infant set on world-domination; interesting on paper, yet tedious in execution. He soon developed a more appealing camp-ness and sometimes level-headedness that the Griffins needed. AD’s nearest equivalent is Klaus the German fish, who remains mostly irritating, or as he puts it: “I’m German, it’s what we do.”
Round 3 winner by a cuddly obesity: Family Guy

Round 4: Character Depth American Dad’s Star Wars kid.

Important to the development of a series is character wealth. Family Guy, being in its fourth season, easily has the weight advantage. FG’s ability to call in characters such as the greased-up deaf guy, the evil monkey or that fisherman with wooden arms and legs, provides a cheap-and-easy laugh with the minimum of effort, something to which American Dad cannot yet compete. It was perhaps purposeful of MacFarlane to create AD in a slightly less surreal world, opting not to emulate FG’s patented and peculiar flashbacks or include increasingly oddball-ian characters. Despite AD’s liberal swipes at the Bush government and the current political climate, it may find itself with slim-comedic-pickins compared to Family Guy’s open palette.
Round 4 winner by experience: Family Guy

Round 5: Shock Value

One of Family Guy’s most cherished qualities is its ability to excavate some of the most shockingly and ill-advised sources of humour imaginable. Season Four’s shock highlights include Peter Griffin attempting stand-up comedy in a terminally ill childrens’ ward; and Peter and co.’s singing troupe, hired to inform a young man that he has AIDS (they make a song and dance about it). It’s car-crash comedy at its most crass, yet it still manages to be entertaining. One of the things Family Guy also inherited from The Simpsons was distrust and a loathing for their network, namely; FOX TV. Family Guy S4 opens with a jab, reeling off a long list of shows that FOX has recently cancelled; a brave move considering FOX could again cancel FG at any moment, but it’s the balls of the show that makes it so unique. Still, for all its rebellious posturing, Family Guy’s main targets for abuse are celebrities and the media, whereas American Dad goes the whole hog offends entire nations; poking fun at its political agendas and its leaders. Where today’s world leaders try desperately to appear stable and dignified on top of their podiums, American Dad stands at the bottom, shaking it as hard as they can.
Round 5 winner by offending entire nations: American Dad

Round 6: Value for Money

And finally, back to value for money. Both series have 13 episodes and an overall running time of nearly 5 hours; yet American Dad is on average £1 more expensive than its Family Guy counterpart. Big mistake. The extra pound means American Dad loses its footing in an oh-so-important area and receives a hefty blow to its overstated chin and hits the canvas for the ten-count…
Round 6 winner by £1: Family Guy

The Judges’ Decision:

And there we have it, Family Guy’s experience in the ring eventually out-manoeuvres newcomer American Dad with its unflinching ability to poke fun at even the most ill-advised areas of the life, its unwavering knack of providing the most surreal and random references imaginable, even its fart jokes manages to amuse. Yet American Dad fought bravely and took its punches like a man, providing glimpses of genius that even surpasses the old master. It’s unsure whether the two foes will square off again, yet with MacFarlane’s success rate, and quality of both shows, we may just see another face-off in future seasons. Until then, fight fans…
Overall winner and champion of the MacFarlane Animation Battle-Royale: Family Guy

WINNER: FAMILY GUY